IF ONLY I COULD TURN BACK TIME...

I was once healthy, naughty, energetic, and athletic young man wearing track suits and sport shoes; at that time football was my life. I can still remember my mother scolding me with her outraged look telling me that I didn’t even look like her son because of my dark red sunburned skin. I played nonstop football from sun-up to sun-down (hahahaha). I did play other sports like hockey, volley ball, and hand ball, but not as seriously as football where I managed to reach the state selection level.Though I achieved a lot in the sport I later turned down the offer because I received another offer to further my studies at the University Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM). I accepted the offer with the hope that I could provide a better life for my family with a good and promising career. This picture was taken in 1997 with my university friends about a year before I was involved in a motorbike accident in Kajang that resulted in me being paralyzed from waist down, or the scientific term, is Spinal Cord Injury...(not stroke ah, or patah hip joint ka, sakit lutut ka....kamurang ni)

26th May 1998, about 10pm, I just finished my night class in UKM Bangi for my 1st year degree in Physics. I did not have any transportation at the time, so I was waiting for my friend for a lift back to my campus. I found him at his campus and later he agreed to bring me back with his motorbike. He did mention to me that there was a problem with the front suspension but both of us were too proud and hungry to think about the consequences. I was supposed to head back to my room and sleep, but instead we decided to go out to look for the famous "Satay Kajang" in Kajang. So this is where the "fun part" of my life begins, at a major life changing moment.....

On our way to the satay kajang stall, the motorbike slipped at a curve (most probably caused by the broken front suspension) throwing both of us to the side of the road. The impact of the helmet injured my neck and was later diagnosed by the doctor as Spinal Cord Injury at the C5 & C7 level. This kind of high level injury forced me into a quadriplegic condition (paralyzed on both arms and legs) temporarily. I knew a little bit about the importance of spinal cords, it’s responsible for normal body function, because I studied Science & Biology when I was in matriculation. There is no cure for spinal cord injuries, at least at the time. The first image that came into my mind was my parents, how was I supposed to tell them that their only son was paralyzed? How are they going to cope with that sudden change in our family? I looked calm, but I could see dark future in front of me and I did not have any idea how to live a life without all the capability to move my arms and legs. I was admitted into the orthopedic ward, and I was fortunate that my sister, Faradillah, was in her final year of study at International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM). She looked after me in the ward from morning until night. My parents flew from Kota Kinabalu to Kuala Lumpur to help my sister in taking care of me. I feel lucky that my family, especially my parents, gave their full support during my recovery state and they have never stopped giving me encouragement.

After my stay in the orthopedic ward I was transferred into the spinal cord injury rehabilitation ward a.k.a. the K9-Ward to be treated by a special rehabilitation medical team. The doctors, sisters, nurses, occupational therapists and physiotherapistsare all specialized in treating spinal cord injury patients.  I was taught how to perform activities of daily living independently in a wheelchair using whatever strength that was left in my hands at that time. Finally, after 3 months of grueling and intensive training in the K9-Ward, I was able to gain back some of the strength in my hands and arms to do almost all of the important tasks that a person in a wheelchair should do, such as putting on my own clothes, transferring from my wheelchair to bed and etc. Eventually, I managed to work from a quadriplegic status to a paraplegic status (paralyzed on both legs only).

Later I was discharged from the K9-Ward and immediately flew back to my beloved home in Kota Kinabalu. However, life at home was not as comfortable as I expected with the inaccessibility of toilets, arrangement of the home furniture, living room, kitchen and everything that surrounded me. I could not do things without asking for help from the people around me, and slowly, I turned from an independent person into a dependent one. Again, due to my strong family support, my father took the initiative and did a major renovation to our house and built fully accessible rooms, toilets, living room and kitchen for my convenience.

I was able to do things quite independently in our newly remodeled home. However, things that I was doing everyday were always the same like watching television, online chatting, listening to music, playing guitar and of course eating and sleeping. Friends that came to visit slowly became fewer and fewer as they all had their own lives to lead. I would hide in my room if people came to our house other than my own friends because I hated it when people looked at me with pity as if there was nothing left for me to do in this life.

There I was, sitting and looking outside, regretting the decision that I made that tragic night and telling myself that I should have just gone to my room to sleep. I was only 19 years old at that time, while my friends were enjoying life as a teenager, I spent my teenage life sitting alone at home.

If only I could turn back time......